<![CDATA[An example of how transknitting works as a way of connecting occurred one day at home. My partner, Mike, came home from work bewildered. His daughter had heard from his ex-wife that he had been ill and called to inquire about how he was feeling. The bewildering part was that Mike and his ex-wife, Patty, have been divorced for twenty-five years and have not been on speaking terms during that time. “How does she know I’m sick?” he demanded to know. I suggested that the only way his ex-wife could have known he had been ill was that his other daughter must have told her. “Why are they talking about me?” he asked. “Don’t I have a say about who talks about me? And besides, why does Patty care whether or not I’m sick after all this time?” “You don’t have a say, she doesn’t care, and,” I answered, “this isn’t about you.” “What do you mean ‘it’s not about me’?” he said. “I’m the one they’re talking about.” “They are transknitting,” I replied. “You are not the point. They are using information about you to do their mother-daughter relationship work. This is really not about you.” They were talking about Mike to connect, just as my mother and I talked about people we both knew to connect. There was no negative intention toward Mike. His daughters and their mother were engaging in one of the positive types of talk. An excerpt from my book, New Rules for Women, available at Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982056982/).]]>
When Gossip Is Positive: Introducing Transknitting
<![CDATA[We all know that gossip is very common. In fact, Dr. Peggy Drexel reports in the Huffington Post that a research team from the University of Amsterdam found that 90 percent of total office conversation qualifies as gossip. But while gossip, or talking about other people, is generally assumed to be negative, mean, or destructive, the positive side is often overlooked. Here are some examples of the positive results of sharing information about others:
- Gossip is a currency for building friendships.
- It builds social bonds.
- It builds business networks.
- It builds teams.