Do You Worry about Your Appearance? What Is the Cost?

Women and girls in the United States, and in many other parts of the world, feel enormous pressure to look good to be both socially and professionally acceptable. Conforming to the beauty culture can require that women undergo and pay for botox injections and cosmetic surgeries on faces, breasts, tummies, buttocks, and thighs to either enhance or reduce the appearance of those body parts, along with expensive makeup, skin cream, and hair coloring to hide grey hair. And, of course, clothes and shoes are not cheap. While men also experience some pressure to attend to their appearance, it is nothing like the pressure on women. Where does this pressure come from? It comes from everywhere—from magazines, television, social media, the workplace, family, and peers.

What Are the Costs?

There are several ways to think about the costs of the pressure to conform to the beauty culture:
  1. Time and money—The most obvious costs are time and money. Mika Brzezinski, in her book, Knowing Your Value, talks about the pressure from both viewers and her employers to maintain an expensive wardrobe as a talk show host. She is expected to spend a significant percentage of her salary, without reimbursement, on clothes, while her co-host, Joe Scarborough, is not expected to do so. She is also required to arrive on set two hours before showtime for hair and makeup preparation. Since their show begins at 6 a.m., another cost for her is sleep, since Scarborough only has to roll in fifteen minutes before showtime to slap on a little face powder. Many women, in all walks of life, feel these same pressures to spend time and money that they may not be able to afford on their appearance.
  2. HealthSurgery always has risks. My niece, a beautiful young woman in her thirties, decided that she needed liposuction to remove fat from her stomach and thighs to improve her appearance. She got a postsurgical infection that became systemic and almost died. She survived but remains seriously scarred and disfigured. Medical complications can occur from any type of elective cosmetic surgery or treatment, including botox injections.
  3. Body Shame—Recent studies reported by Renee Engeln in the New York Times found that “fat talk” (public body disparagement, such as posting, “I’m so fat,” on social media) has become, “practically a ritual of womanhood.” One study found that more than 90 percent of college women reported engaging in fat talk even though only 9 percent were actually overweight. Fat talk is linked with body shame, which motivates unhealthy eating choices and, in the extreme, can result in eating disorders. This research also finds that fat talk is contagious. In other words, engaging in it may drag others down into body shame with you.
  4. Role Modeling—We give conflicting messages to the girls in our lives when we tell them that what matters is what’s in their hearts and minds, while at the same time we are spending a lot of time and money on our appearance. Actions speak louder than words.

What Are Our Choices?

There is a lot we don’t control as individuals. We cannot change the airbrushed sexist messages that advertisers bombard us with about how we are supposed to look. We don’t have much hope, as individuals, of changing the often unspoken influence of appearance on hiring and promotion decisions in the workplace. Peer pressure is hard to resist, without a doubt. But you can control your own behavior and make a difference:
  1. Find support. Having other women and men in your life who are willing to question the cost of participating in the beauty culture can help you make the best choices for yourself.
  2. Be a role model. What is the message that you want the girls and younger women in your life to receive about being girls and women? How can your choices reinforce that message?
  3. Stop engaging in fat talk.
  4. Join a book group. Many reading and discussion circles are forming in workplaces to raise awareness of diversity issues, including gender differences. You can form such a group if one does not exist. Many books and articles are available that you can read together to stimulate discussion.
In my next article I will talk about the beauty culture and age, so watch for it! What are the pressures you face? What decisions have you made about participating in the beauty culture and why? What advice do you have for others?   Image credit: Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at]]>

3 thoughts on “Do You Worry about Your Appearance? What Is the Cost?”

  1. Thank you Anne for showcasing another inequity between women and men. I’ve been asked by a client to design a workshop on appearance. The premise being that many from outside of the cultural traditions of the United States (and I write that loosely) want to hold on to the cultural traditions of their land which at times do not align with company policies. During my research within the company one profound topic that arises is “comfort”. The statement, “it makes me feel uncomfortable” has been stated in various forms many times. One woman said to me and I paraphrase…when women don’t do their best to look attractive, and/or appropriate for the leaders (code for men)…their career will falter. As I listened I thought, how sad.

  2. So much in this post! And it seems so obvious but it is so hard to combat these messages. I like to see myself as a strong and independent woman, I run my own consulting practice, am an old hippie and use no make-up, stay in shape but don’t make much fuss about what I wear.
    All true.
    AND – I obsess about my pouchy belly. I worry about my fat face and double chin. And SO DOES AMY SCHUMER! It makes me nuts. How can I be who I am, and still think like this??! It doesn’t fit at all with the rest of my self OR self-image. But there you have it.
    I can’t wait to see your next post, Anne. I just turned 60!

  3. Thanks, Jeannette. It’s amazing how much we are all vulnerable to the media messages about how we are supposed to look. Thanks for sharing your struggles — sounds familiar!


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