“It’s hard for me. I’m not good at confrontation.” (Paula, nurse)
“I don’t like confrontation. I allowed a coworker to intimidate me.” (Laurie, manager in the travel industry)
“I’m a wimp! I would let conflict slide and then come around, behind the scenes, and do that passive-aggressive thing. That’s not good.” (Sheri, technology manager)
“It’s difficult because you don’t want to make somebody angry.” (Claire, nurse)
Paula summed it up best for this group of women: “We weren’t raised that way [to be direct and confrontational]. We were told that women didn’t do that . . . you were to be seen and not heard.” “Seen and not heard”—I remember being told this when I was growing up, along with “girls are sugar and spice and everything nice.” I remember thinking that I had to avoid confrontation because it could damage a relationship—or, as Claire said, “make somebody angry.”
An excerpt from my book,
New Rules for Women, available at Amazon (
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982056982/).]]>
Walking with people from all around the USA, in the footsteps of the Selma to Montgomery walk – I feel how scary it must have been for everyone, the men and especially the women of color who insisted on their right to vote. A woman named Amelia Boynton, who marched with those attempting to register to vote, and was grabbed and dragged down the street. She had also been raised to avoid conflict and smooth things over – as we have – and she decided to put herself in harm’s way to support other Blacks who wanted to vote. If she can do it – WE can do it. Choose carefully – but if someone needs to hear the truth, speak it!