{"id":767,"date":"2015-07-23T09:00:22","date_gmt":"2015-07-23T13:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/annelitwin.com\/?p=767"},"modified":"2015-07-23T09:00:22","modified_gmt":"2015-07-23T13:00:22","slug":"indirect-aggression-what-you-can-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/blog-posts\/indirect-aggression-what-you-can-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Indirect Aggression\u2014What You Can Do"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[Remember\u2014we are dealing with very old, deeply buried patterns of\u00a0behavior, and some of these behaviors will thoughtlessly pop out of us\u00a0sometimes, even when we have made a commitment to stop. For this\u00a0reason, we all need to be open to feedback about our actions. Hopefully,\u00a0every woman you work with is open as well. Sometimes, however,\u00a0someone may not be at a time in her life, or at a moment in her day,\u00a0when she is able to be open to feedback about something she has done.\u00a0We will consider actions to take both when the person is open and when\u00a0she is not open to working on her relationship with you in the face of\u00a0your experience of indirect aggression.\nIndirect aggression, intentionally hurtful and denied, is subtle and\u00a0can take many forms. It can take the form of gossip that is judgmental.\u00a0It can also be a remark or tone of voice that seems sarcastic or nonverbal\u00a0body language that seems to communicate an intention to exclude or\u00a0judge or dismiss. When you experience any of these behaviors directed\u00a0at you, it is important to give feedback to the offending party as soon as\u00a0possible about the impact of her behavior on you.\nDenial is part of indirect aggression, so the aggressor might not\u00a0admit, either to you or to herself, that she has done anything to you. And\u00a0it\u2019s always possible that you misread or misunderstood the interaction.\u00a0Nonetheless, for the sake of having a good relationship with you going\u00a0forward, she may be open to hearing your feedback and taking it in,\u00a0and you should give her the feedback for the sake of improving the\u00a0relationship. Even without an admission of guilt or an apology from her,\u00a0receiving your feedback may help her resolve to refrain from behaving\u00a0that way in the future, so it is always worth asking for a feedback meeting.\nSometimes the indirect aggression can have such a hurtful impact\u00a0that stronger measures are needed to repair the relationship. In that\u00a0case, the relational resilience tool, described in chapter 4, would be more\u00a0appropriate than simple feedback because it involves an outside party\u00a0and a more structured process.\n&nbsp;\nAn excerpt from my book,\u00a0<em>New Rules for Women<\/em>, available at Amazon (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/0982056982\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/0982056982\/<\/a>).]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4],"tags":[116,207,221,225,294,418,567,634],"class_list":["post-767","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-posts","category-excerpt","tag-competition","tag-feminine-values","tag-friendship","tag-gender","tag-indirect-aggression","tag-new-rules","tag-teamwork","tag-workplace"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/767","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=767"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/767\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=767"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=767"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=767"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}