{"id":447,"date":"2014-09-11T09:00:52","date_gmt":"2014-09-11T13:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/annelitwin.com\/?p=447"},"modified":"2014-09-11T09:00:52","modified_gmt":"2014-09-11T13:00:52","slug":"practice-equality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/blog-posts\/practice-equality\/","title":{"rendered":"Practice Equality"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[An excerpt from my book, <em>New Rules for Women<\/em>, available\u00a0at Amazon (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/0982056982\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/0982056982\/<\/a>):\nThe friendship rule of practicing equality can create confusion for women in the workplace in at least three different situations:\n\n\n<ul>\n\t\n\n<li>When we are reluctant to compete with each other for jobs<\/li>\n\n\n\t\n\n<li>When we are reluctant to support each other because a colleague got promoted or has more education<\/li>\n\n\n\t\n\n<li>When we are reluctant to do the self-promotion necessary to get ahead in most organizations<\/li>\n\n\n<\/ul>\n\n\nPat Heim and Susan Murphy call this women\u2019s relational expectation the Power Dead-Even Rule. That is, we value (and expect) staying at the same level and not getting ahead of each other. Lois explained why she does not mention that she has a master\u2019s degree:\nI\u2019m hesitant to say I have a master\u2019s degree because it lowers the other person\u2019s (woman\u2019s) perception of you. She will think, \u201cWho the hell do you think you are?\u201d She will think you\u2019re uppity, and she, and others, will be more reticent and not give you information and help. It\u2019s important not to appear that you are tooting your own horn.\nMy clients often talk about their reluctance to apply for a position in their companies when another woman also wants the position because they\u2019re concerned about damaging an actual or potential relationship. My study also revealed a strong theme about discomfort with advancing ahead of friends or colleagues and fear or actual experiences of the relationships not surviving such advancements. Of course, part of the problem is that our expectations are unconscious and unspoken, making it impossible to put them on the table and negotiate them. But once again, the feminine workplace values of a flat structure and equality crash into the hierarchical workplace to set us up for disappointment or confusion about what to expect from other women at work. We cannot advance if we don\u2019t toot our own horns and compete for promotions, yet this can create problems for our relationships with other women.]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4],"tags":[116,222,612,638],"class_list":["post-447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-posts","category-excerpt","tag-competition","tag-friendship-rules","tag-women","tag-workplace-values"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=447"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annelitwin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}